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French Connections

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IT'S THAT time again, the annual lunch given by the commune for all the seniors (and the senioras and senioritas, of course) in the village. We first qualified on grounds of age if not of decrepitude two years ago, so we went along with one or two

It?s a funny thing about communication companies, but whenever you want to get hold of somebody, there?s nobody to talk to. Just recently I?ve been very keen to get hold of somebody at France Telecom. And shake them. Then strangle them, slowly.

HERE'S A a cautionary tale, one for expats and anyone thinking of moving to France.

Having been an expat here in France for many years, Matthew Guthrie-Booth (a name tailor-made for sending those French people unable to get their teeth and

WHO STOLE baby Jesus?

Well, it certainly wasn't me, although I was one of the last to see him there, lying in the straw - real straw, nothing but the best for our village, you understand - surrounded by Mary and Joseph, oxen, asses, sheep a

National stereotypes die hard. Despite France?s poor showing in a recent list of the world?s top 10 restaurants, only one against the Britain?s four, the French still view England as a place with appalling weather and even worse sustenance.

George Bernard Shaw once said that ?It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him?. In France he doesn?t even need to open his mouth. Forget the French demonstrating in Brittany. The

THE CLOCKS went back over the last weekend in October. I used to have a small problem remembering which way they went until an American taught me a simple mnemonic: Spring Forward, Fall Back. Very useful if you speak English, but not much cop in F